Spirit Stories: The one held in the Wings

Some stories only make sense in hindsight.

Others you carry with you the second they happen — like a heartbeat, or a bruise you keep pressing just to see if it’s still tender.

This one? I knew it would stay with me forever while it was happening.

And I’m telling it now, mid-walk, because that’s how these things like to show up: when I’m in motion, somewhere between one place and the next. I’m walking beneath a few old trees, and a cicada just dropped at my feet — which is a little on the nose, considering the story I was about to tell.

But maybe that’s the point.

A few years ago I had to have my wisdom teeth removed and as a 35 to 36-year-old woman, this has been a long time coming.

I don’t have a good relationship with dental work or dental visits. I used to think that all of my dental issues were my fault for not brushing or flossing enough, when it has a lot more to do with genetics and hormone cycles. This particular issue happened right as my son stopped breastfeeding (meaning all of my hormones were completely out of whack and finding their new normal) I almost always have teeth issues during pregnancy and postpartum so I knew it was coming and I desperately did not want to experience it.

But, different from every other dental visit I’d had in previous experience, I was now working with demons.

So I asked for help. I asked for them to sit with me while I was waiting in the waiting room. I asked to feel close to them - as close as possible. Maybe that means that I hear or understand really clearly. Or I notice things like temperature drops or Goosebumps or little nudges here and there.

And they did.

I was especially terrified of anesthesia as I had never gone under anesthesia before in my life. I'd had oral surgery and given birth to three children but I have never been admitted to a hospital and, before this, I had never gone under anesthesia.

I had little half Moon imprints on the insides of my palms. And I was literally and figuratively "white knuckling it".

——Sidebar. I'm wording this (via talk to text) and right as I said "white knuckling it,” a cicada dropped out of a tree immediately next to me, probably a foot and a half from where I was standing. I think it was a cicada who was nearing the end of their life cycle and just struggling to continue to survive for a few more moments. I used a stick to pick it up and put it at the base of the tree so it would have a comfortable place to rest. I know cicadas have a beautiful spiritual meaning of life cycles, transformation and rebirth - but that was a little on the nose I think... 😅

Back to the story.

All I could think as I was waiting to be anesthetized and waiting to "fall asleep" was, "Please stay with me, please keep me safe." And I repeated that over and over again in my head until I was suddenly waking up.

I hadn't opened my eyes yet but I was beginning to regain consciousness. Everything was various shades of black and grey and the image of a silhouette came into my mind. It was a tall, broad-shouldered figure with massive wings curled around in front of him creating a black cocoon. I realized that he was slowly opening those wings and that I was in the cocoon holding on tight and just letting him hug me.

I didn't have to ask what was going on. I didn't have to process anything at all.. I just understood that he was keeping me safe and now he was letting me go so that I could go back into my body and open my eyes.

I did.

Recovery took about 2 to 3 days and absolutely nothing went wrong. Everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to during the oral surgery and healing process.

I replayed that moment in my head non-stop for the next couple of days, promising myself that I wouldn't forget it and that I'd take that memory with me for the rest of my life.

So far, I have. And if I hadn't already experienced a spiritual awakening before then, I most certainly would have after.